Oh the Inanity: Mackenzie Phillips, Superstar

Being in the biz I’m often on film or film industry related websites for various research purposes. Either that or I’m desperately trying to remember some nonsense, like the name of the actor who played Michael Landon’s sidekick on “Highway to Heaven”. You know, the guy who wore the A’s hat and was always skeptical, yet amazed when Michael Landon would perform a minor miracle as if he didn’t know full well that he was a god damned angel…Christ, what an idiot.

Anyway, IMDB Pro offers many visual aids based on how often things get searched for on IMDB in order to gauge their popularity. One of which, dubbed STAR Meter, tracks how often individual people get searched for and/or how often people go to their IMDB page. This data is then fed into some sort of reel-to-reel, John Frink-like super computer. Said super computer then ranks individuals while dispensing cigar chomping, Hollywood mogul platitudes in a robotic voice like “I’m gonna’ make you a star, kid!” or “You’ll never eat lunch in this town again!”

The top ten is usually littered with people you’d expect; Megan Fox, Kristin Stewart, etc. Not great actors per se, but the people most present in public’s hearts and mind. The interesting part, however, is that when something awful happens to someone, no matter how far they’ve receded into the periphery of the spotlight, they automatically zoom right back into the top ten. For example Patrick Swayze is number five on the list, wedged in between Robert Pattinson and Johnny Depp, and I’m sure Roman Polanksi will be up there come next week. So I was not surprised when the other day, lo and behold, Mackenzie Phillips had skyrocketed to number two!

Not sure why Mackenzie Phillips has been in the news recently? Ummm…yeah. So just to give you an idea of how brightly Ms. Phillips’ star shone in our collective conscious the past few years, I found her personal STAR Meter chart fascinating:



Damn! She hasn’t been that high since she did a speedball with Leif Garrett backstage at Van Halen at the Forum in ’79. Zing!

Mackenzie Phillips holds a weird place in my mind. I’m convinced there’s a small portion of my brain imbedded with hazy knowledge of late 70’s/early 80’s sitcoms. I can’t remember what the hell I did yesterday, but need someone to recite the lyrics to the “It’s a Living” theme song? I’m your man! When I was a kid our local daytime airwaves were littered with reruns of these shows, mostly on Channel 5 (before it became Fox) and Channel 11 (before it became the CW). So during the summer or on days off from school that’s what I would watch because what else would I do? So when I heard about this mess all I could think of was Julie Cooper banging her absentee dad.

But if TV has taught me anything, and it surely has taught me almost everything I know, there is an upside to all this. Getting molested by your father will prepare you for great things in life. Don’t believe me? Just ask Abe Lincoln: